Ms.Cochran

“Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.”- Francis of Assisi

I have heard this quote time and time again, but I never fully grasped the message Francis of Assisi was trying to convey. The Gospel is words, and if one doesn’t use words to convey the Gospel, then is it anything at all? Well, yes.

These past two days I haven’t been called my usual name. Today, and Monday, I was officially “Ms. Cochran” to a class of fourth and fifth graders. As I went into my first day, I felt I knew what to expect. I’d walk around the classroom, take some notes, talk to some kids, maybe grade some papers? The normal, everyday teacher tasks.

I had been praying these last few weeks that I would be a light to these kids. I wanted to make a difference, even though I knew I was only going to be there for a few days. I began to view this experience as a short-term mission trip, and was certain God was going to use and challenge me.

I went into this school expectant that the Lord would show up, and He did as he always does. The particular school I was placed in wasn’t like the other schools I had encountered as a child. As I walked into my assigned class, several kids greeted me. The teacher was over her head in stress and I had the feeling that the last thing she wanted was to be observed. Therefore, I stayed out of her way. I began walking around the classroom and discovered where the class tension originated. The one fieldtrip they were able to afford got cancelled. To make up for this, the teacher allowed the students to walk around the hallway for a few minutes, something the kids were so excited about. For some reason, this stuck with me.

All I wanted to do was tell the kids it was going to be okay. They all just looked so hopeless. As the kids began their classwork I went over to the teacher and just asked her why. “Why do you work here if it’s so hard?” I knew that I was taking a chance by asking this, but I thought ‘What the heck, why not. YOLO.’ She started to laugh under her breath and told the story about how she got here. In the midst of all of this, I started asking her more and more questions and wrote down her answers. I could tell this was going to be one of those moments as an upcoming teacher that I wouldn’t want to forget. She started off by telling me about the children’s upbringing. “Morgan, most of these children’s parents do drugs.” She continued by telling me a story of a child in her first grade class. He would come to school picking his skin and crawling all around the floor. “He never knew what was going on. It’s like he wasn’t even here.” She then told me about a few students in her class, whom I can’t name. “That girl over there, she’s never seen her parents. That guy who sleeps in the corner, his daddy doesn’t care about him. He told me so.” Earlier that morning I had a student come up to me and say he didn’t want school to be cancelled from the snow tomorrow. Why? Because he didn’t want to be left at home. He told me school is where he comes to get away. All I knew in that moment was that I was experiencing a new kind of heartbreak. “Break my heart for what breaks Yours.”

It’s been two days and I feel like the Lord has revealed himself to me through these kid’s sufferings. I can’t describe the looks I saw on the kids faces and I can’t fully describe the feelings I felt when the students started cheering when I said I’d be back in a few days. I just wanted to tell them it was going to be okay, and there was hope, and they could do it. I wanted so badly to take over the class and to show them a smile and encourage them to keep trying. So much potential I saw in those little kiddos.

I wish I could have bought the little boy pajamas in my class who told me he slept in his jeans every night.

I want so badly to buy the little boy supplies for his project that he said he couldn’t afford.

I just wanted them to know I cared.

I was there for them, the frustration was just haunting me, I knew I would have to leave.

Maybe this sounds dramatic to people reading. Maybe some people are wondering why I took time to write this long blog about my day. Well, its because today I learned more about love than I have in a long time. I saw the impact of a smile and was reminded of the power of Jesus. Jesus is close to the broken-hearted and he was close to those kids. His presence was so apparent. I thank God that I met the kids I did so that I can now be praying for them and their futures. I also thank God for the reassurance he gave to me to be a teacher who not only strives towards excellence, but strives for change. Whether it’s me teaching or just sitting in the back observing, people are watching and God’s love is shining. I saw that today.

“Teachers have to be fun and nice. So you, yeah you’ll be a good teacher Ms. Cochran”