“Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.”- Francis of Assisi
I have heard this
quote time and time again, but I never fully grasped the message Francis of
Assisi was trying to convey. The Gospel is words, and if one doesn’t use words to
convey the Gospel, then is it anything at all? Well, yes.
These past two days I haven’t been called my usual name.
Today, and Monday, I was officially “Ms. Cochran” to a class of fourth and
fifth graders. As I went into my first day, I felt I knew what to expect. I’d
walk around the classroom, take some notes, talk to some kids, maybe grade some
papers? The normal, everyday teacher tasks.
I had been praying these last few weeks that I would be a
light to these kids. I wanted to make a difference, even though I knew I was
only going to be there for a few days. I began to view this experience as a
short-term mission trip, and was certain God was going to use and challenge me.
I went into this school expectant that the Lord would show
up, and He did as he always does. The particular school I was placed in wasn’t
like the other schools I had encountered as a child. As I walked into my
assigned class, several kids greeted me. The teacher was over her head in
stress and I had the feeling that the last thing she wanted was to be observed.
Therefore, I stayed out of her way. I began walking around the classroom and
discovered where the class tension originated. The one fieldtrip they were able
to afford got cancelled. To make up for this, the teacher allowed the students
to walk around the hallway for a few minutes, something the kids were so
excited about. For some reason, this stuck with me.
All I wanted to do was tell the kids it was going to be
okay. They all just looked so hopeless. As the kids began their classwork I
went over to the teacher and just asked her why. “Why do you work here if it’s
so hard?” I knew that I was taking a chance by asking this, but I thought ‘What
the heck, why not. YOLO.’ She started to laugh under her breath and told the
story about how she got here. In the midst of all of this, I started asking her
more and more questions and wrote down her answers. I could tell this was going
to be one of those moments as an upcoming teacher that I wouldn’t want to
forget. She started off by telling me about the children’s upbringing. “Morgan,
most of these children’s parents do drugs.” She continued by telling me a story
of a child in her first grade class. He would come to school picking his skin
and crawling all around the floor. “He never knew what was going on. It’s like
he wasn’t even here.” She then told me about a few students in her class, whom
I can’t name. “That girl over there, she’s never seen her parents. That guy who
sleeps in the corner, his daddy doesn’t care about him. He told me so.” Earlier
that morning I had a student come up to me and say he didn’t want school to be
cancelled from the snow tomorrow. Why? Because he didn’t want to be left at
home. He told me school is where he comes to get away. All I knew in that
moment was that I was experiencing a new kind of heartbreak. “Break my heart
for what breaks Yours.”
It’s been two days and I feel like the Lord has revealed
himself to me through these kid’s sufferings. I can’t describe the looks I saw
on the kids faces and I can’t fully describe the feelings I felt when the students
started cheering when I said I’d be back in a few days. I just wanted to tell
them it was going to be okay, and there was hope, and they could do it. I
wanted so badly to take over the class and to show them a smile and encourage
them to keep trying. So much potential I saw in those little kiddos.
I wish I could have bought the little boy pajamas in my
class who told me he slept in his jeans every night.
I want so badly to buy the little boy supplies for his
project that he said he couldn’t afford.
I just wanted them to know I cared.
I was there for them, the frustration was just haunting me,
I knew I would have to leave.
Maybe this sounds dramatic to people reading. Maybe some
people are wondering why I took time to write this long blog about my day.
Well, its because today I learned more about love than I have in a long time. I
saw the impact of a smile and was reminded of the power of Jesus. Jesus is
close to the broken-hearted and he was close to those kids. His presence was so
apparent. I thank God that I met the kids I did so that I can now be praying
for them and their futures. I also thank God for the reassurance he gave to me
to be a teacher who not only strives towards excellence, but strives for change.
Whether it’s me teaching or just sitting in the back observing, people are
watching and God’s love is shining. I saw that today.
“Teachers have to be fun and nice. So you, yeah you’ll be a
good teacher Ms. Cochran”
