I'm Starting to Diet

Since when is it society’s job to tell me what I’m supposed to look like? I’m craving a hamburger and “the struggle” has just become SO real in my life. So while I’m currently sitting at my kitchen table debating whether or not I should go out and get one for dinner, I’m also starting to wonder why I’m actually even debating anything at all. Why the heck am I sitting here, twittling my thumbs, pacing back and forth wondering if I should make the great escape out of my apartment to go get a burger. Does it REALLY matter? No. So now I kind of feel like an idiot. But lets be realistic for a second… Does anyone on this planet actually wakeup in the mornings craving kale or broccoli? I mean if there is someone out there than my goodness props to you because the thought of that just sounds sad. But if you happen to be one of those crazy people who does wakeup craving kale or broccoli you have to admit that there’s always something in your stomach that makes you feel like you’re missing out on something else. Something big and juicy. I mean, not trying to spoil your diet plan or anything, but a hamburger (or bacon for breakfast) would probably taste way better. I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter what I eat, healthy or unhealthy, I’m never actually fully 100% satisfied in the end. When I eat a super healthy meal I’m always wishing I didn’t care so much and would have just had the big juicy burger instead. When I finally decide to “not care” and give-in to eating the big juicy burger, I’m always left feeling a tiny bit guilty. But then again I’m thinking ‘Why do I even care?’ ‘Why does any of this matter?’ Well I think I may have found the key to satisfying myself.Don’t get me wrong, being healthy is important. But what am I actually craving in this world and why am I craving it? Why am I caring so much about the little things and never actually focusing on the big picture? This made me think about my relationship with Jesus (I understand it’s a weird comparison). I wakeup and I crave Jesus, but I eat toast instead. Sometimes after I work at summer camp I get a hunger for prayer, but instead I eat a salad. For dinner, I am thirsting for advice from God except I decide to spend all my money on coffee. In the end, nothing actually satisfies my soul and I go to bed hungry. Maybe what I’m really craving in the world is to know Jesus. Maybe it isn’t about the next meal or how I should have my burger cooked. Maybe I’m living this “medium rare” lifestyle where I’m constantly ignoring God, yet claiming I know Him so well.  All he wants is to sit down and have a conversation with me. All he is asking for is for me to pull up a seat for him when I eat dinner. He’s standing right there, yet I choose to ignore him.

I’m not craving a healthy meal, and I’m not craving any type of burger. I think I’ve figured out the diet plan I’ve been searching for this whole time. I want to be healthy with Jesus and I want my relationship to be whole and hearty. I want to be consumed with Jesus, I want to crave him. I want him to fill my thoughts and my desires. I don’t want to ignore this grumbling I have in my stomach every time I wakeup in the morning. I don’t want to consume myself with earthly desires like hamburgers and hotdogs and stupid American things that are dumb in the end. I want JESUS to be what I think about in the morning, what I think about when I eat my toast, and what I think about when I’m eating just about every meal. I want Jesus to be the center of my life. I don’t want to keep living every day caring so much about how other people view me. I want to show off God’s image and who he created me to be. I want Jesus. I crave Jesus. And I have this gut feeling that deep down, everyone does. Working at summer camp and living in Clarkston this summer has made me realize that more than ever. These kids that are other religions have such a curiosity about Jesus and they know deep down that He is the only one who satisfies. No other God answers their prayers, no other God satisfies their needs, no other God loves them unconditionally. This is something to rejoice in! This is something to share with the world! THIS is something worth consuming you. Being here in Clarkston has been a great experience, but I don’t know if I’ve made a difference in anyone’s life. I don’t know that when people see me, they see Jesus shining through me. I don’t know if I’ve had a lazy attitude towards working at summer camp and teaching English classes. I don’t know if I’m doing anything right. But I think I just realized something… I’m consuming myself with the wrong things. I’m thinking the wrong things, I’m wrapping my mind around concepts that don’t matter at all, and I’m putting Jesus on the bottom of my list when Jesus IS the list. Jesus is everything and Jesus will guide us Home. The funny thing is that I know deep down in my heart everyone wakes up craving something and maybe they ignore it like I do. Maybe they put that priority to discover the truth in the back of their minds and save it for later. Maybe they take that craving every day and try to satisfy it with other things, and at the end of the day they never get what they want and are left unsatisfied. Maybe I’m closer to figuring this thing out. Maybe I’m making the man who walked on water just my leftover. 

Scars

"This harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of the wolves." Luke 10: 2-4

For the past few days, my team and I have been going to Woodside Village apartment complex to pray over the community and to hopefully find our "person of peace." A person of peace is someone in the community who welcomes you, receives you, and is open to you and what you have to say about Jesus. People of peace are also the ones who serve you. So often when we're seeking to minister we want to do everything for somebody else, but the person of peace often wants to make a contribution in some way. So my group of three and I went off, door to door, hoping to introduce ourselves to tons of refugees open to friendship and hearing about the gospel. If we just so happened to find our person of peace, that would be pretty awesome. But I didn't want to push it.  

SEARCHING FOR A PERSON OF PEACE

Going door to door made me feel really uncomfortable. I didn't want these refugees to get the wrong idea about Christianity- that we were forcing ourselves on them and creating a fake friendship just so that we could convert them. That's not what I'm about and that's not what I ever intend on being. I wanted these refugees to understand that I actually did want to get to know them and that I cared about their stories. If there came a time when I felt compelled to share the gospel with them, then I would do so. But I didn't want to seem pushy and I had no idea how I was supposed to get that across to them. The first door that we went to was unsuccessful. The man at the door answered, and then instantly slammed the door in our face after we asked him if we could pray for him. For some reason, I was completely taken back and started to cry, which is odd because I've never really been the emotional type (Clarkson just makes everyone an emotional wreck, I'll tell ya). After feeling highly discouraged from that visit, the same sort of thing kept happening over and over again. But then, God stepped in (not like He ever left anyways), and we had a successful visit. The man's name was Tanga. He was Buddhist and believed in many Gods, but said his religion was confusing to him and that Jesus was the main God he worshiped out of the many Gods that he believed in. He asked us a lot of questions about "our" Jesus, was open to hearing us speak about the gospel, was very hospitable, and accepted a Jesus DVD that we gave to him as a gift. After visiting for a second time, he then invited my friends and I over for dinner and told us that he was going to share the DVD with his friends. THAT is most definitely the characteristics of a person of peace! Which is super duper exciting because I know for a fact that the Lord is going to change him and his wife's life completely. The Lord is good. All the time. 

SCARS

After discovering Tanga, A TOTALLY COOL AWESOME RAD GOD THING HAPPENED... AGAIN!!!! We were prayer walking around one of the complexes and went up to one of our last doors of the day, where unfortunately no one was home. Just as we were walking down the stairs about to leave, the neighbor next door came outside and was curious about what we were doing wandering around his complex. His name was PT and his girl friend of two months name was Toya. He wasn't a refugee and just happened to live in Woodside Village. Just because he wasn't a refugee didn't mean that he didn't have story, and by the way he greeted me I knew for a fact that he did. When he called Toya outside, I noticed that she had a hospital armband on and had scars all over her wrists. I didn't mean to assume the worst, but naturally I did. Right when we entered her house she started talking about how two days earlier she had tried committing suicide. Her boyfriend, PT, was somewhat firm in his Christianity faith, but Toya stated that "some days she felt so close to God, but other days she felt like the Devil was her best friend." After hearing her story, she then asked us how we got to know Jesus. Lemme tell ya, Toya is no shy, quiet girl. She's a bold firecracker and she is eager to know the truth. She fired back with question after question, and we talked a lot about suffering and a lot about the Lords faithfulness. To be honest, I have no clue what I said. The Lord completely spoke through me and my friends. This girl was so broken and was searching for acceptance and worth. She had no family, had been abused in all of her previous relationships, and had been homeless for many years before she started living with PT. She told us that she's been through every terrible thing that we could think of. Because of her past, she now lived her life shielded from the outside world, afraid of people and what they could do to her. After we prayed for her and her boy friend, a bundle of joy swept over her. She told us that the day before she told God that if He was real then he would send angels to save her. She told us we were her angels. I cannot even explain in this blog post how incredible that experience was and how crazy awesome God's plans are. Ever since that day God has had Toya on my heart. Toya texted me yesterday morning just saying hello, and I took some of my other friends over to her house to visit again and see how she was doing. Guys...I can't even explain to you the difference I saw in her. We entered her house and she told me that she had never felt so good in her life and ever since we had come to her house she has been devoting 30 minutes of her time to God each day. She is such a warrior, a fighter, and a learner. She is EAGER to know the Holy Spirit. She doesn't understand why things are so good, she knows she doesn't deserve his grace because no one does. But Toya is happy, and that is something she is rejoicing in. Toya has come so far in her life and has so much potential be something great. I see so much in her and I want her to see that too. But above all else I want her to experience the love of the Lord that I have experienced. I'm not sure what I'm exactly supposed to do from here, but I know that prayer goes along way. Please pray for Toya and her scars, that they will be made clean. 

A lot of things have happened this week and like always, God is teaching me so so much. I am so thankful for the new families I have gotten to know this week and for the possible person of peace that I had the privledge of meeting. A few prayer requests:


- Pray for Toya and her boy friend PT. 
- Pray for my friend Grace and her brother Taylor who just graduated from rehab.  
- Pray for my friend Rachael and her mom who is battling cancer. 
- Pray for Tanga and all the other people that we got to know this week.
- Pray for my friend Lindsey who is planting a church in Africa right now. Pray for strength and good health! 
- Pray that the Lord uses me and all my team members, that we are obedient to Him, and that we all have open eyes and hearts. Pray for boldness and that we can find comfort within the uncomfortable. 


Also, I'm going to casually act like I've gotten letters since I've been here...cough cough I haven't... so ya know if you want to send a letter that would probably be the best thing ever. I know that I'm to blame for never giving my address out. SO HERE IT IS SEND ME MAILLLLLLL (ha) 
767 Northern Avenue
Apt J2 
Clarkston, GA 30021

I'm not living in Africa

WHY CLARKSTON

To start off, I know a lot of you are probably confused about where exactly I am living this summer. To clear up any confusion, I am not living in Africa or Nepal or Burma, though at most times I feel like I am. I am living in Clarkston, GA and am ministering to international refugees in the area. If you are anything like me, you are probably wondering where the heck Clarkston is and why I am spending my summer living there. Clarkston is about 45 minutes from where I live in Kennesaw, GA and is home to thousands of refugees. I do not know why I'm here, or even what brought me here, but I do know that I am placed here for a reason. To be completely honest, this experience has taken me completely out of my comfort zone. Never in a million years did I think I would become a missionary or even have the strength to give up my summer and do something other than be with my family and friends. I went into this experience not knowing what I was signing up for, who I would encounter, or even what I would be doing at all. I was completely clueless but wishing for some type of adventure to keep me on my toes this summer. As you can probably assume by this novel of a blog post you are reading, my wish was granted, although in a way I never imagined it would be. With two jobs falling through back in Kennesaw, I was left with nothing to do this summer. Naturally, I followed what my best friend was doing and signed up for this internship, unaware that it would change my life. To my surprise, I got into the internship even though I applied at the last minute. I was then transferred to the Texas location but got re-transferred to the Georgia location after one girl dropped out. So when I say I know I was placed in Clarkston for a reason I am not kidding. God literally placed me here. So here I am...clueless and confused, but in total awe of what God is doing in my life. 


FINDING COMFORT IN THE UNCOMFORTABLE 


Going into this experience made me very uncomfortable. I always viewed myself as an ordinary person who had some good qualities about myself, but not the qualities that would be beneficial in the mission field. When I discovered that this internship was all missions, I realized that I probably had made one of the worst decisions of my life. How was I supposed to minister to these people when I didn't know the Bible left and right? How am I supposed to love on these people when I don't even have my personal life together? How am I expected to communicate the gospel when I have always been terrible at communicating my emotions in general? I was so out of my comfort zone.  But maybe being uncomfortable was what I needed all along. There was no way that I could help bring people to Christ, even though that was a thought that had always brought me a lot of comfort and joy. I did not have my life together like I thought most people on this internship had. Fortunately, writing today, I thank God for making me spontaneous and for making me bold enough to sign up for opportunities like these. This experience has been so much more than I ever thought it would be. All of a sudden I find myself caring for these refugees not because I pity them but because they are my friends. Even though I feel I am expected to teach these refugees the things that I know, they have been the ones teaching me. I have learned so much about love, patience, friendship, and above all else about the Lord's faithfulness. There is hope for all the nations and He is not finished with us. 


WORKING AT SUMMER CAMP

After the first week of training, I was assigned to work in the summer camp for the rest of the summer. Before I actually started working there I just expected to be jumping around the whole time, playing with kids, and getting out my inner crazy. To me, that sounded like a pretty legit summer job. When I got there the first day I was greeted with love from all the kids that were there but there was something about them that was different from most kids I had previously encountered in my life. These kids were broken. One kid jumped out among the others and his name was Die (pronounced Dee). He was the most loving kid I had ever met. The word of the week for camp was "thankful" and all the kids were supposed to write notes to the people that they were most thankful for.  Considering that that was my first day at camp I did not expect to get any notes. To my surprise I not only got one note, but I got four. Die's stuck out to me the most. His read " I am most thankful for Morgan. I wish you were my mommy." This absolutely broke my heart. From that day forward I knew that this was more than just a summer job but was a place of brokenness. These kids didn't know Jesus's love and didn't have the same opportunities that I had. That's when I knew that this experience was going to be more than I ever thought it would be. Three weeks later, I have learned so much about love. I love these kids, I love their hearts, I love their stories. I can tell they are eager to learn and are yearning to be loved. I know I can't give them what they need, but I know that He can. 

TEACHING ENGLISH TO REFUGEES

A few weeks later we got assigned an ESL (English as Second Language) family. Basically the GFM team goes out Monday through Thursday and teaches refugee families English. Having terrible grammar myself, I knew that this experience would definitely become interesting. Me and two members from my team went to three different apartment complexes to ask if their families were still interested in taking our English classes. When my friends and I drove up to the last apartment complex on our list, we were searching aimlessly for the exact address we were supposed to go to and after about 10 minutes of driving around, decided to leave. While we were waiting at the stop sign about to exit the complex,a bus pulled up and a large load of kids came out. Then, I saw Die. I rolled my window down in full excitement and yelled for him to come to my window. After having small talk about the activities that had gone on that day in camp, I then asked him if he could help me find the address we were looking for. Die looked at my piece of paper. That was his apartment. I was now handed the privledge to help teach his mom English and build relationships with his family.


Die and his family have my heart. My two friends and I have been able to cook spaghetti with Die and hisfamily, play soccer with them, fill up many coloring books, and act like complete goof balls. ESL has been so much more than teaching English for me. It has been an opportunity for me to get to know people who aren't like me and to make an impact on them. Die and his family have filled my life with so much happiness. It is a joy I have never felt before and just the other day as I was coloring with Die, tears filled my eyes because that was the moment I realized there was no where else I'd rather be. 

There has been so much that has happened in these last few weeks that I can't wait to blog about in the future. I have made so many sweet young friends at summer camp, have gotten the opportunity to minister to refugees, and have heard so many awesome stories...it has just been unreal! I have loved every single friendship that I have made this summer and the people have impacted me more than they will ever know. Clarkston, thanks for teachingme so much this far. The fact that I am changing scares the bahoogies out of me, but I know I need to trust God. I am learning so much about me, the people, and The Lord. 

God, thank you for placing me here. 
I've always known you worked in mysterious ways. 
Thank you for choosing us and for calling me. 

Well, not sure how I'm supposed to end blog posts but...bye for now I guess.  

 Morgan