I'm Starting to Diet

Since when is it society’s job to tell me what I’m supposed to look like? I’m craving a hamburger and “the struggle” has just become SO real in my life. So while I’m currently sitting at my kitchen table debating whether or not I should go out and get one for dinner, I’m also starting to wonder why I’m actually even debating anything at all. Why the heck am I sitting here, twittling my thumbs, pacing back and forth wondering if I should make the great escape out of my apartment to go get a burger. Does it REALLY matter? No. So now I kind of feel like an idiot. But lets be realistic for a second… Does anyone on this planet actually wakeup in the mornings craving kale or broccoli? I mean if there is someone out there than my goodness props to you because the thought of that just sounds sad. But if you happen to be one of those crazy people who does wakeup craving kale or broccoli you have to admit that there’s always something in your stomach that makes you feel like you’re missing out on something else. Something big and juicy. I mean, not trying to spoil your diet plan or anything, but a hamburger (or bacon for breakfast) would probably taste way better. I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter what I eat, healthy or unhealthy, I’m never actually fully 100% satisfied in the end. When I eat a super healthy meal I’m always wishing I didn’t care so much and would have just had the big juicy burger instead. When I finally decide to “not care” and give-in to eating the big juicy burger, I’m always left feeling a tiny bit guilty. But then again I’m thinking ‘Why do I even care?’ ‘Why does any of this matter?’ Well I think I may have found the key to satisfying myself.Don’t get me wrong, being healthy is important. But what am I actually craving in this world and why am I craving it? Why am I caring so much about the little things and never actually focusing on the big picture? This made me think about my relationship with Jesus (I understand it’s a weird comparison). I wakeup and I crave Jesus, but I eat toast instead. Sometimes after I work at summer camp I get a hunger for prayer, but instead I eat a salad. For dinner, I am thirsting for advice from God except I decide to spend all my money on coffee. In the end, nothing actually satisfies my soul and I go to bed hungry. Maybe what I’m really craving in the world is to know Jesus. Maybe it isn’t about the next meal or how I should have my burger cooked. Maybe I’m living this “medium rare” lifestyle where I’m constantly ignoring God, yet claiming I know Him so well.  All he wants is to sit down and have a conversation with me. All he is asking for is for me to pull up a seat for him when I eat dinner. He’s standing right there, yet I choose to ignore him.

I’m not craving a healthy meal, and I’m not craving any type of burger. I think I’ve figured out the diet plan I’ve been searching for this whole time. I want to be healthy with Jesus and I want my relationship to be whole and hearty. I want to be consumed with Jesus, I want to crave him. I want him to fill my thoughts and my desires. I don’t want to ignore this grumbling I have in my stomach every time I wakeup in the morning. I don’t want to consume myself with earthly desires like hamburgers and hotdogs and stupid American things that are dumb in the end. I want JESUS to be what I think about in the morning, what I think about when I eat my toast, and what I think about when I’m eating just about every meal. I want Jesus to be the center of my life. I don’t want to keep living every day caring so much about how other people view me. I want to show off God’s image and who he created me to be. I want Jesus. I crave Jesus. And I have this gut feeling that deep down, everyone does. Working at summer camp and living in Clarkston this summer has made me realize that more than ever. These kids that are other religions have such a curiosity about Jesus and they know deep down that He is the only one who satisfies. No other God answers their prayers, no other God satisfies their needs, no other God loves them unconditionally. This is something to rejoice in! This is something to share with the world! THIS is something worth consuming you. Being here in Clarkston has been a great experience, but I don’t know if I’ve made a difference in anyone’s life. I don’t know that when people see me, they see Jesus shining through me. I don’t know if I’ve had a lazy attitude towards working at summer camp and teaching English classes. I don’t know if I’m doing anything right. But I think I just realized something… I’m consuming myself with the wrong things. I’m thinking the wrong things, I’m wrapping my mind around concepts that don’t matter at all, and I’m putting Jesus on the bottom of my list when Jesus IS the list. Jesus is everything and Jesus will guide us Home. The funny thing is that I know deep down in my heart everyone wakes up craving something and maybe they ignore it like I do. Maybe they put that priority to discover the truth in the back of their minds and save it for later. Maybe they take that craving every day and try to satisfy it with other things, and at the end of the day they never get what they want and are left unsatisfied. Maybe I’m closer to figuring this thing out. Maybe I’m making the man who walked on water just my leftover.